tata~ my record!

after the bottle of wine starts to flow through my body i was kinda drunk.. couldnt ctrl my body movements.. knew wad was going on exactly but everything just kept spinning.. i must say its kinda fun.. the feeling of sober yet drunk.. den i tried to sleep cux super seh already but my stomach felt really terrible.. so vien made me drink two cups of water.. n goodness.. i puked like no tomorrow.. cant even aim at the toilet bowl properly cux it was too much.. threw up 5 times in a row.. but after the puking it really feels v good.. n i went to sleep.. deep sleep.. now the bottle is on my bottle to remind me not to repeat again cux the feeling really sux..

wed morn woke up feeling super drowsy n spinny.. seet came w a msg saying she's down w fever asked me can i handle.. hmm.. one trg without her showed me all their human nature.. really upset and piss off after tt trg.. no one i could turn to.. poured out to dear at night.. like the only one i can talk to in this world..at the other end of the world somemore.. how sad la.. (not forgetting my DJS thou) i just want to STOP doing all these.. cux i feel like i am pleasing no one n instead got me into un-necessary shit.. jus cux i wan to do something i could for u all but thanks for such reward huh.. for tt i am deeply hurt.. i hate YOUs! open up ur damn bloody eyes to see!

its really a struggle to put God into all that i am gg to decide.. but all thanks to God if not all these wun happen.. not a single part of my human brain cells will ask me to do it.. talking wad me? nvm i understand..

Thurs.. went to my cousin-in-law funeral.. she passed away on sun night.. faint n den heart stop beating.. at the age of 33 leaving behind her beloved husband and a 2 yr old daughter.. was asked to go for the wake on tue and wed but tue chalet.. n wed cux of tt sucky trg.. a worthless sacrifice.. nvm.. so on thurs is the cremation thing.. shes a christian so thank God.. nv been to a funeral when i know the person.. ether frens dad or grandad kind.. all i dunno wan.. i tot i wun cry cux we aint close.. somemore is in-law.. everyone took a flower n walk arnd the coffin n place the flower inside.. really dunno wad to react.. my cousin was crying so badly.. all her friends.. her mum too.. n tt was when i drop my first tear there.. after singing amazing grace n the pastor said a few words it was time for her body to be carried to mandai there to be cremated.. at tt instant when everyone knew tt it was time to part w her everyone were crying loudly.. i turned n saw my dad in tears too..

her body was carried into the van and we walked behind the van slowly.. like all drama shows like tt.. den my cousin was carrying the innocent daughter who was still sleeping soundly on his shoulders.. after tt we took a bus to the place where she is finally cremated.. her body was in this service hall where the pastor officially mark the end of her earthly life.. sang the song as the deer.. and last time for everyone to walk arnd her coffin to look at her.. n den after tt we went up to the viewing hall where we see her body being pushed to somewhere to be burnt or wad.. not v sure.. my cousin was alright initially.. carrying his daughter asking her to say byebye to mummy.. kept asking her to do it but she just feel shy n stuff.. i looked at tt sight i really felt so sorry for them.. but my cousin just kept saying say byebye to mummy say byebye to mummy.. when we were asked to leave the viewing hall my cousin just lost ctrl n cried very loudly.. he refuse to move..

really felt so sad for him and my niece.. losing her mum at the age of 2.. don even know tt mummy is gone.. life is really so unpredictable.. at the age of 33 for no reason the heart just stop.. probably is just God's calling.. but everything she left behind is just so much.. her daughter's future.. her husband's perfect family life.. and they r so loving.. its really so heartbreaking to see tt happen.. her young mother.. nv will she expect that she have to see her own daughter's funeral.. sigh so sad so sad.. cherishing all the good things and good pple arnd me is wad i learnt..

R.I.P my dear sister..

Heaven must be a wonderful place right?

it's not easy to go there.. i know..